Fork in the Road, Anyone? (Part 2)

​Inner Voices, Glitter Bombs and Baby Steps Toward Wholeness

After writing “Fork in the Road, Anyone?” I was all set for a sitting meditation, but the opportunity evaporated into laundry, dishes, watering plants, and making dinner. Proof that my inside voice doesn’t actually need a meditation cushion to bust through with its commentary!

As the evening news blathered in the background, I re-remembered something big: I have never had a proper plan or vision for my life. I have, for the love of it, always gone with the flow. My almost-bachelor’s degree in marketing? The cost forced me to get a “real job” before finishing school. I ended up as a business rep at a local Radio Shack Computer Center — that’s right, kids, there was a time before Apple, HP, Dell, and Best Buy. A time I remember well, before cell phones. (Blasphemy, I know.) Anyway, I accidentally landed a career, a husband, and a ticket to suburbia before I even had a diploma. No plan, no problem. I’ve enjoyed my life so far, no complaints! My early motto? No expectations, no disappointments. Everything in its season.

And now? The season is: let’s get fucking intentional. Like, what do you want, Laurie? Or like? Or wish for? Like, really? And the truth? I have no fucking clue. Like really-for-sure NO clue. Geeze…

So anyway, the message has been circling for a while — Ev (short for Evollla, my pet name for my inner truth voice — “All Love” spelled backwards) has been whispering it on repeat. I’ve been pulling the card Imagine for months now. It showed up again in the Buck Moon spread, reversed: “Illusions and wishful thinking rooted in a sense of lack have entered your life. Now may be the time to see things as they truly are, not as you hoped or imagined. Release any fear. Then envision anew.” Ya think?! I was cruisin’ for a bruisin’, so to speak. I was due.

As I buzzed around folding laundry and scrubbing dishes, the following thoughts broke through loud and clear…

All the wonderful things about Chris that I love and treasure: his loyalty, his honesty, his thoughtful and caring attention to details (and piggy matters!). The freedom he gives me around how I spend my time, attention, and money — no questions asked, no judgment, only support and mild curiosity. Freedom to do as I like: friends, travel, meetings, writing, woo-woo stuff. And oh, what a refreshing mental hamster wheel for once — all positive and grateful.

The next message landed softly but firmly: “NO RUSH.” The cards said yes, intentions need to be set, visions clarified, decisions made — but not this minute or else. Nice! Ev kindly pointed out that right now, I’m in baby steps mode, just getting to know the real me, not the me-I-thought-people-wanted. Case in point? I just realized I’m IN-DOORsey — not outdoorsy. Hello?! That’s massive! I can finally stop pretending I need to hike, camp, or trailblaze through bug-infested nature. My nature, my woods, my timing — thank you very much. (Maybe when mosquitoes, deer flies, and ticks go out of fashion. I know ticks aren’t insects — get over it.)

And here’s the real kicker… I noticed that my thoughts — my brain, once annoyed and annoying, once spinning and spiraling — are now actually fun. I can hand over this whole topic of decisions and intentions to my brain and let it gnaw on it like the world’s best rawhide chew toy! OMG. Isn’t this what I’ve been craving? Something fabulous and fun and curious and productive, creative, inspiring — to fill the mind-space where fear and insecurity used to camp out. The whack from the cards, the nudge from Ev, the glitter from my mischievous fairy godmother… and here we are. This is how it works. I started with an idea, a question, and the answer I got was so different from what I expected — and so much more perfect. Non-linear, surprising, and suddenly, a completely new vista opens up, with more freedom and love than I thought possible. This is the process: notice, write, shut up, and listen. And then? Follow through. Which, let’s be honest, is just grand — practice is my middle name. I get to create my future with whimsy and light, not by bitching about humans, bugs, or whatever else.

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