I realized today how easy and natural - comfortable it is to answer "fine." when asked, "How it's going?"
The truth is it's not "fine" it's not OK at all and I need to stop pretending that it is and be honest.
Fast forward to 12/7/17 the day I've decided to finish all these blog posts that were saved in the day as a DRAFT. I remember this day and this comment especially. It did not feel safe to examine or post this in the moment. So here I am tidying up! Marie Kondo would be proud!
I'm the first to say, constantly, that "it will all be OK..." "That time will tell", "Not to worry!" "No worries!", "Don't worry be happy..." yadda yadda... you get the picture...
However, this summer (apparently right around July 22nd) I realized there is a time when you DO NEED TO WORRY... Not "worry", perhaps, but acknowledge when things are NOT OK and take appropriate action. What I realized, painfully, was you cannot continue to blindly stick with a plan and constantly brush your anxious feelings and repetitive stressful ponderings under the rug. In this case my "fears" were not "False Events Appearing Real"... they were REAL, appropriate, predictable and addressable legitimate fears. As long as I continued to ignore them, however and pretend everything was FINE they continued to grow in scope and begin to take very real and physical tolls.
Wow, so perhaps 90% of the time my fears are created by self created, imagination... the other 10% of the time I damn well better fucking pay attention. That was the distinction that I'm referencing in this post. Check in folks and be sure that what you're fearing is self created... check in, verify, communicate, analyze, whatever you need to do so that you can be sure you are "dismissing" a truly unfounded concern.
Enough said?! I certainly learned my lesson and, I think, managed to get out of it relatively unscathed.
What shall I forgive this day to amuse and delight?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!