Powerlessness

That word is a mouthful in more ways than one, for sure! Let's just throw down a few synonyms and see how they feel...
Impotent, ineffective, incompetent, failure, inadequate, frailty, lack, shortcoming, weakness, unfit, incapable...

Sign ME UP!! Seriously! It's just a little bit counter cultural... just a wee bit!! However, it is an absolutely required acknowledgement if you're interested in a new way of life. I had the opportunity to review step one today. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - " (I dig the "WE" and the past tense that is used in all the steps, BTW). Anyway, I really have never looked long and hard at the first step, really. I spent about 15 years spinning around in that step before I got it... BEFORE I came into the rooms. And I knew I had it and that's how I happened to show up... that's me.

I do know that I'm powerless over alcohol and nicotine. Thank God... I KNOW that... I'm not questioning it and it's simply not spinning around in my brain any longer. I'm powerless AND I'm better off. What totally slapped me in the face today is that I am FUCKING powerless over pretty much everything... I occasionally control my thoughts if I can manage to focus for any length of time... I can interrupt and re-direct... yadda yadda... there's obviously a lot more wondering and pondering to be done on this topic... but I didn't want to miss this magic moment of paradox!! I control absolutely nothing and (if thought creates reality) everything at once! Shit!