Progress Not Perfection

I guess I first heard this at AA meetings... the first meeting I went to, actually. It struck me as something true that I hadn't really thought about before. Perfection used to be the only option, in my head, anyway... what a relief to admit that the goal is progress not perfection. WOW!

This concept is now hardwired in my personal neural pathways. I love that visual... I've created a "Progress Not Perfection" electric sparkly "bridge" for my self deflating thoughts they trip off into another neural zoney network of acceptance and surrender.  There may even be a glitter/glow/beam of a little self congratulations regarding some element of actual progress rather than the opposite nastiness. Way cool... 

Any how, I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea that the rooms are actually classrooms and the other trusted servants are classmates. Apparently Bill W made a comparison... "We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect." AS BILL SEES IT, p. 95

If I operate like my sober date is my birth date then I'm almost 2 years old. The terrible twos were my least favorite and most endearing years with my baby brothers. They were like tiny Buddhas with their observations and fearless innocence. They were also able to push every button I had and drive me completely insane.

I want to focus on finding that internal loving, supportive, wise parent that I never had on the outside.  Not sure how I go about doing that exactly. I've had some amazing breakthroughs and epiphanies using the Runes lately. Using the Runes to converse with my Higher Power and the internal spirit that is me. I do know one thing for certain I can't count on anyone outside myself... no one!   Maybe that's something that I need to or will eventually overcome, i.e. opening up and trusting someone... but not happening anytime soon. Every time I do, I just get whacked.  I believe, at least for now, that I need to focus on creating / finding that inside me. Other people can assist... but there is no substitute, I wonder if that's what they would call "co-dependence"...

Thinking about "Progress not Perfection" and reminding myself that I'm about 2 ish in emotional / spiritual speak creates space and safety. Two going on fifty one. This is my first spring without smoking since I was 13. My first smell of spring... wow!  So many "firsts" and birthing a new me. Happy Spring!

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