Step 10 - "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."
I am incredibly thrilled to be in the flow. I reviewed this step with my Sponsor this morning and it's fucking insane how many points confirmed what I've been going through and figuring out in the last months of sabbatical... truly fucking unbelievable... hold on for this! (All the following quotes from the 12 and 12 book, step 10)
1. "As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance and live to a good purpose under all conditions?" How many times have I expressed how I feel born again, brand new, growing up for the first time, literally "the adventure of a new life."
2. We used to have hangovers from drinking but now we know of a different type of hangover... "That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion - anger, fear, jealousy, and the like."
To live serenely we need to eliminate these hangovers, our inventory enables us to do this. I'm ready for a daily tool and here it is!
3. They mention a spot check, in the moment, a daily and then an annual or semiannual inventory. They compare it to a "BALANCE SHEET." DIng, ding, ding... this week I finally came to grips with the fact that I need to step up in my business and pay closer attention to the income statement and balance sheet... LITERALLY!! Neener neener (Twilight Zone music).
4. "Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation." Seriously?!! That's what I've been doing for the last couple of months, right!? I did not read this first, I swear!
5. "The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal...For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier...we need self restraint, honest analysis of what is involved, a willingness to admit when the fault is ours, and an equal willingness to forgive when the fault is elsewhere. We need not be discouraged...for these disciplines are not easy. We shall look for progress, not perfection." I've been talking about awareness and being the observer. That's all this is watching without judgement or attachment. I've been doing step 10 without knowing it for the last two months!
6. OK, so if 1-5 hasn't blown your mind, then this one totally should! One of the major "personal epiphanies" I've had over the last couple of months is to SLOW down, take my time and be OK with "taking a moment" and being intentional with anything I promise, commit to, or say to myself or others, right!? So the 12 and 12 calls it "restraint."
"Our first priority will be the development of self-restraint. This carries a top priority ranking... Nothing pays off like restraint of pen and tongue... Our first job is to sidestep the emotional booby traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic." pg 91 Here's the shit... I've read that all before at some point, probably more than once but it took my sabbatical/retreat and thinking it was my own personal revelation to really "get it." Stunning, brilliant, fascinating and completely wonderful! So there it is, did YOU get it? No worries, if you didn't get it this time, it's waiting for you, but don't give up!
7. Then from the Big Book... icing on the cake, page 85: "Love and tolerance of others is our code. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone...It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected." This is referring to the thought and temptation to drink but for me it speaks to everything in life...as the observer with pause patience and restraint I do feel safe, protected and neutral!
Wow! This is earth shattering, essential and paramount information and the daily discipline of an inventory WILL KEEP IT PRESENT! Confirmation of my observations, how great the program is and a means to continue it! Grateful!
What shall I forgive this day to amuse and delight?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!