I woke at 3am with the TV on. I'd fallen asleep listening to something on channel eleven, PBS around here. Truth be told, I fell asleep to Master Chef Jr. about five times. I have it recorded and couldn't manage to stay awake long enough to find out which of the tiny home chefs was sent home this week. I woke up, rewound and fell asleep again before the end many times. I still don't know who got booted. To avoid the nasty shock of waking up to a blaring Fusilo car commercial, I have PBS on when I start the DVR so when whatever I'm watching is ended it reverts to PBS. I tuned my attention to the speaker for a bit. The guy was talking about eating cruciferous vegetables and as he continued to speak and I continued to listen the whole pitch sounded vaguely familiar. When he went on to describe how awesome beans and mushrooms are to eat daily and flashed up a PowerPoint slide about large salads daily and bean soup and no calorie counting... I focused in on the big blown up book cover behind him. Sure enough, who was it but Joel Fuhrman, author of a book I recently read.. Eat to Live. Currently doing a PBS fundraising program on his latest book, The End of Dieting.
Now keep in mind that I don't believe in accidents or coincidence. Which basically translates to I apparently needed a little reminder of my whole focus on how and what to eat. I just started the "Loose 18 pounds in 4 days" internet diet again yesterday and proceeded to cheat last night. I know this diet is not sustainable (B = 1/2 c grapefruit L=1/2 green beans, 1/2 zucchini, 2 eggs, 1 cup tomato juice; D = 6 oz protein, 1/2 green beans, 1 small apple... similar quantities and small variations in greens). What I realize on this diet is how little I really need to eat, number one. Number two how much I do use food as a reward... think about it, obsess even. Three how addictive starches are... a single slice of bread is never enough and turns into a binge. Four - how much I did enjoy and really start to get into the mostly vegetarian food when I tried "Live to Eat" for a couple weeks a month or so ago. Why did I stop exactly? Probably for a piece of toast or some french fries that turned into an irreconcilable break and subsequent return to "normal" eating. I felt great, I realize now... better anyway!
I'm used to stops and starts, multiple failed attempts and processing lessons learned and awarenesses gained. So what's up this time? I was supposedly committed to the 4 day diet yesterday morning. I was very proud of my excellent preparation in the morning and really no problem sticking to it during the day. The evening is the danger zone! My undoing was also poor planning, rationalizing... and a Stouffer's French Bread Pizza that had to be eliminated as well as some Nutty wafer treats. Once they are out of sight, I reasoned... not just out of sight... but gone then I can proceed with the diet. Chris provided an assist and ate one of the two pizzas. I actually convinced myself I was obliged to consume those items in order to continue. I wasn't hungry. The pizza tasted good but the nutty treats honestly made me a little sick afterward.
Dr. Fuhrman was talking about the benefit of long term vs short term thinking. As much as I say I want to lose weight and get some healthy habits going on apparently I'm not quite there yet. There was some element of short vs long term impulses going on with smoking and drinking. What ultimately shifted, however, was just NOT THINKING at all... short or long term. I think I can give up thinking of all sweets, bread, rolls, pizza dough, potatoes.... could I start there and just not think about those at all any longer and therefore not eat them? That would be huge progress, right?!! Totally! In anyone's book. Patience is part of the problem here... impatience to be more precise. I want to be thinner sooner, like NOW! At least with smoking and drinking there were immediate rewards... well kind of. Honestly there are immediate rewards to giving up starches and sweets, I feel better and I'm not achy.
So... chickie what are you up to? Progress, re-focus... this is suppose to be the most important thing right now. Not this blog, not photo processing or journal scanning or Hope & Power or Clients or Chris or Mom or AA service or ANYTHING... Remember??!!
FOCUS Follow One Course Until Successful! I don't need to be thinking about, reading about, doing or planning for ANYTHING else! I'm so easily distracted! It was Thanksgiving I guess... and/or organizing files and finding the internet diet... getting wrapped up in an immediate short term "fix."
How many words was that, that it took me to figure out I need to renew focus...? No matter. It also just occurred to me that a single focus is not possible so the alternative is to dedicate a certain amount of time to the pursuit daily... as a default/priority... then do other things. Another good clarification, actually. So can I stick to the Fuhrman plan? I think so but with some adjustments. I will drink as much coffee as I like for now... no cream. I will also have some meat and I will watch portion sizes. A major part of his plan is unlimited quantities. My stomach is just not able to monitor that at the moment.
Ok, success! Daily 10 minutes in the morning of exercise. (That exercise kind of snuck in there) Follow the Fuhrman plan with the exceptions identified. I will bust out his book again and read through it. I also have the cookbook. I will make a daily checkin comment here to confirm that I've maintained that minimal amount of focus. OK! Yeah!
What shall I forgive this day to amuse and delight?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!