I just re-read the last post and noticed I had misspelled something right off the bat. I fixed it, anyhow, after day dreaming about miraculously getting Weebly to work with Google/Chrome and vice versa to fix THAT problem... I re-read the actual entire quote.
Rather than focus on the idea of acceptance and how it relates to recovery, I got an entirely different and interesting focus. "If you don't fully accept a situation precisely the way it is, you will have difficulty changing it." This time the words lead me to an examination of the facts of the situation. What are they? I'm obviously not accepting them since I haven't managed to make any lasting change regardless of my starts and stops and professed earnest passion. So, this perspective came quickly after reading a quote from another book while pooping...
"Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life." Foster McClellan
I can list what I THINK I'd be Unhappy and happy with:
1 & 2 The truth is I am obesses for periods of time that run their course. Normally once I've shopped for any supplies I might need and time for serious focus is required I move on to another thing. The exceptions: oral care, showers, shopping, writing and work.
3 & 4 I am way tilted on the side of Flaky. I constantly increase my awareness of this. I'm also impulsive with promises I make to myself and others and frequently don't follow through.
5 & 6 I think I do have to keep an eye on this but I am more compassionate than judegemental by nature.
7&8 I have found I have trouble speaking out in the moment but I also don't exactly give in. I'm more sneaky in my approach rather than the quiet strength and clear power in the moment.
9 & 10 I feel OK with these... I depend on my intuition or just choose not to take a side, honestly. If I have to make a choice, I do due dilligence.
11 & 12 I feel OK with these also. I'm definitely calm and reserved by nature.
13-16 Here is some inherent conflict. I know that I prefer short term and exciting rather than long term and methodical. That seems like something intrinsic to my nature. I did make choices regarding smoking and drinking that are long term and methodical. I know I'm moving in that direction and would like to focus on the benefits of this approach rather than the boredom. I think this is where the rubber hits the road.
I've played with the idea of LEVERAGE lately. How do I get the clout or motivational power? A key word or thought or feeling or image? I created vision boards a couple months ago when I was getting ready to go to Mexico... Didn't work. When I stopped drinking and smoking there was a soft bottom and a bit of desperation. Not really motivated by either.
So getting leverage on myself... definition please:
1. the action of a lever, a rigid bar that pivots about one point and that is used to move an object at a second point by a force applied at a third.
2. the mechanical advantage or power gained by using a lever.
3. power or ability to act or to influence people, events, decisions, etc.; sway:
Synonyms: advantage, strength, weight; clout, pull.
4. the use of a small initial investment, credit, or borrowed funds to gain a very high return in relation to one's investment, to control a much larger investment, or to reduce one's own liability for any loss.
verb (used with object), leveraged, leveraging.
5. to use (a quality or advantage) to obtain a desired effect or result: She was able to leverage her travel experience and her gift for languages to get a job as a translator.
6. to provide with leverage: The board of directors plans to leverage two failing branches of the company with an influx of cash.
7. to invest or arrange (invested funds) using leverage.
8. to exert power or influence on: It was Joe who leveraged her to change her habits.
Some advantage that cuts to the quick - inside my head. Gets to the core motivation, flicks the switch, helps me refocus and rise above the indulgent laziness in the moment. a shift from the short term to the long term... from caring only about instant gratification to permanent, durable, stable, abiding, and sustainable responsible behavior. The action that honors and respects the promises made, the instinct that's whispering, the self that's shy but emerging.
I'll keep looking and keep you posted. Wicked long one today.... Life Rocks!
Laurie Anne McCauley
Did that make you feel better?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!