I can recall so many religious quotes warning against pride... I can remember references thrown around during my college days at Thomas Aquinas. "The worst of these is Pride..." Let's see, what can I find online, Oh my!
The mother of all:
Pride is called the "birth mother" of all the deadly sins. Pride is the worst of sins because it involves a full-scale inversion of reality. If sanity is an ordering of one's life in harmony with reality...

The father of all:
Pride is rightly considered to be "the father of all sin ," 

David Hawkins:
They have been earned and have a realistic foundation. Pride as a spiritual defect refers to pridefulness as an attitude and a positionality. It is an arrogance that can apply to beliefs, thoughts, opinions, and the general attitude of being better than others. This is an over evaluation of self-worth and is commonly referred to as egotism.

As a Position in the levels of Consciousness: Pride – The first level where you start to feel good, but it’s a false feeling. It’s dependent on external circumstances (money, prestige, etc), so it’s vulnerable. Pride can lead to nationalism, racism, and religious wars. Think Nazis. A state of irrational denial and defensiveness. Religious fundamentalism is also stuck at this level. You become so closely enmeshed in your beliefs that you see an attack on your beliefs as an attack on you.

I had my final session with April creating meditations to release the lower frequencies of emotion on the Hawkins' scale. After a bit of study and reading I noticed that while Pride is the highest of the low vibrations it is the beginning of the worst... All the lower vibrations have their root in pride, looking good, being right and being attached to "things" and thus afraid or sad when "things" are gone or may be gone... avoiding, etc. Curious that... I found some true freedom in the exercise of letting go of all I think I know and believe... all my attachments and expectations basically. Like I've been saying these same things for months, years, yet here we go, another level of relatedness and awareness to bring it home. Captain Obvious I guess. I should cease to be surprised by these revelations. 

Of course the lesson presents in several different ways at once. I have been experiencing very odd and very severe muscle and joint pain recently. Just at night, mostly and moving around. One night my right calf the next my left thumb, then my right wrist or left bicep. It comes on around 8pm or later and disappears (usually) around 9am the next day. I am in the process of attempted to partner with health care "professionals" to discover the cause... it's NOT COVID... Anyway, my go to first resource is Heal Your Body by Louise Hay her feedback for knees and joints in general: 
Problem: Joints
Probable Cause: Represents changes in direction in life and the ease of these movements
New Thought Pattern: "I easily flow with change. My life is Divinely guided and I am always going in the best direction."

Problem: Knees (they hurt the most for the first couple weeks)
Probable Cause: Represents Pride & Ego. Inflexibility & Fear (see joints)
New Thought Pattern: "Forgiveness, Understanding. I am flexible and flowing. I bend and flow with ease. All is well."

Problem: Wrist
Probable Cause: Represents movement and ease.
New Thought Pattern: "I handle all my experiences with wisdom, with love and with ease."

​Ok... got it... Thanks for the insights and stay tuned.

I'm starting to notice more acutely how attached I am to what I've come to think of as success. In particular I am speaking of gardening. I've been watching a show on Magnolia Network called Growing Floret. It is actually kind of odd and inspiring/hopeful how fucking emotional I've become watching this four part documentary. Holy Shit! I guess because Erin and Chris and their story is so real, authentic and she's totally right about how flowers can touch, move and inspire people. Perhaps because she's such an introvert and gets so bogged down with the management portions of the business... I don't know, really! It doesn't matter, I can relate on all sorts of levels. She's written books and blogs and blah, blah, blah. Anyway I am inspired and curious about what my next moves should be for myself.

I have started, picked up, I'm reading the second half of the 4000 weeks - Time management for mortals book. My right wrist hurts like a bitch right now and it's actually painful to do capital letters... who knew! I see Andy my PT tomorrow I hope he has some insight. I'm confused by all the physical pain I've been in lately. 

I don't understand or even need to know the science behind a new moon and a new month. I know the feeling and I make the connection. I awoke this morning free and clear.  Like a weight that you have carried so long you forget it's there then you notice lightness because it is gone. I had noticed the heavy feeling lately, the soreness, the lack of energy, not from anything food related just an intensity. I celebrated 8 years sober this month. My anniversary month is sometimes heavy... not sure why that is but other sober people experience a certain oddness to their anniversary time. Anyway... I feel better, bottom line and I have some fun things to share.  I decided to get out in the sunshine yesterday... (vitamin D could be it?)... and finish reading a book for a "book club"... Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. I had to refresh myself by reading the notes and comments and highlights from the first Part. I started then to read Part 2 - Beyond Control. The excerpt below, the Parable of the NY Businessman and the Mexican Fisherman... hit hard. Read it then I'll continue.
​

Excellent, yes?! The book is good at describing the cultural bonds we have inherited from the Industrial age... paid by the hour, leisure time, useful time, purpose... without providing a specific point of view. He is just pointing out some of the unmentionable unreasonable expectations and cultural norms we all live by either consciously or not. The book is worth a look. 

Anyway... specifically the parable has encouraged me to look at WHAT DO I LOVE to do? What do I want to spend my days doing now that I am retired. I don't HAVE to volunteer, or teach, or study or exercise or walk or anything. My new meditation intention is to just BE ME and see what that feels and looks like! No small order considering I've spent most of my life being and living up to someone elses' ideals, expectations and shoulds without even realizing they were not my own.

Here's another brilliant insight. I absolutely love this definition of making plans... what a plan is, the uncertainty and inherent lack of control we have as humans... I choose not to spend the rest of my life pretending I have control or ignoring and avoiding the Reality that I don't!