There is something bubbling to the surface. It's been coming up for a little while now. I realized this morning that it's really not pretty at all, not politically correct, or flattering or even morally "right." I also realized that I'm writing this blog for me, not for anyone else and "there's nothing wrong."
The human condition seems to be wired to be constantly comparing if not downright judgemental - competitive - ambitious - aggressive. Silly girl, I imagined that I was above that. Taking a high road somehow. Silly girl! While I don't actively harm anyone or wish them ill, I am desperately jealous for those things I imagine I don't have. Situations, ways of "being" or "looking" that I perceive would make me happy or even make me look good enough to fool other people into believing that I'm happy and grounded and mature and wise. Silly girl!
I, perhaps, could fool myself also into forgetting that I'm alone and missing caring unconditional loving support. Truth: I'm basically too afraid or proud to reach out... Writing this just now, I realized, I'm not alone and the support is available I just have to learn how to ask.
My pissy and rebelious laziness rears it's head and rather defiantly reminds me that I don't want to go through the strain and effort of asking for help. It's just fine to be alone, other people basically only care about themselves in the final analysis. That has been my experience after all - so far. So suck it up and get on with it!
If I'm going to be jealous and envious, I might as well be smart about it.
Laurie Anne McCauley
Did that make you feel better?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!