I had stopped dreaming or wishing or wondering really. I'd put down the desire in a back room closet, not full of dust and cob webs, but not part of the daily thought train either. It's been hanging around for so long, 40 years, maybe more or less. The dream of being on safe land with a view. My community project is something of legend in my mind.
It's suddenly visible, palpable, real and in front of me. Holy Shit! It lends a whole new meaning to the saying "Careful what you wish for." It's fucking SCARY it's so big and awesome and perfect. I guess I'm ready and I'm grateful I have my wits about me (for the moment anyhow). Now what?! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! (as Dee and I would say in the day!)
I didn't realize how entrenched and attached I've become here, where I live now... familiar, comfortable, beautiful... home (Vista). Finally tending the garden with vigor and grace... finally sorting out what to keep and let go, what fits and feels right and not. Actually just being present and focused on other things. Holy shit... now we'll have this place... I cringe, fearful I'll jinx the thing. Better not to say that until it's done. We only just found it. We only just realized on Saturday how IDEAL it is in ways we hadn't even thought of, dreamed possible. Vista is home and perfection in it's own way maybe that's why the dream was on a backroom closet shelf.
Maybe that's the secret? I'd accepted how superb and wonderful it it is right now where I am. Does that create space for dreams to manifest...? The letting go and kinda giving in? The timing is unbelievable a superb God wink an undeniable alignment. Just that awareness gives me the courage to continue. So many new challenges and lessons and adventures OH MY!! I have a whole new way of being, behaving, perceiving. Chris & I together, a completely new book to create together... not just a new chapter!
That is all I can muster for the moment. My head and heart are a blur or thoughts and emotions. I had no idea anything could feel this way! I'm such a newbie at this!? Deep breath, stay present and ENJOY! Yep! I have a whole new level of compassion, understanding & appreciation for my move management clients. Yikes! Thoughts for later exploration: how does the place where you live define you? become part of you? how do people possible manage "being" in such different places? schitzo?
Laurie Anne McCauley
Did that make you feel better?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!