Intentional Flow?

My sabbatical time has flown by. I'm not surprised, I guess, just decidedly not ready to "let it go" and unsure I have to. I need to set aside a couple more days to finish Hope & Power. I have clients showing up, awesome. My name is mostly changed everywhere with everyone... splendid! I really didn't lose the weight and figure out a new overall health and wellness strategy and schedule. I guess what I learned, unlike smoking and drinking you can't just quit food. I knew this, obviously, but there are so many levels at which it needs to sink in to be real. I did "quit" some food but that's not enough or even going to work long term. I am intentionally flowing in the direction of health and fitness as an ongoing moment by moment choice. I'm constantly remembering to take my time and stop rushing! Rather than an instantaneous overnight transformation this conversation seems to be on ongoing, never ending unfolding.

Choices "TO..." rather than "NOT TO..." are a whole different movement. It is already a miracle that I was able to completely banish all desirous thoughts of smoking or drinking. I tossed the bullies out on their bums and barred the door. I've been mastering the skill of thought banishment. I like the comparison to the brain as a thought hotel... I've ousted, dislodged and evicted all thoughts of covetous smoking or drinking. I used to knock on wood when I would say that... still do! Not sure, other than that higher power how that happened exactly. Anyway, I digress... the point is the thoughts regarding food and exercise are much more constant and subtle. They are wrapped up in feelings as well like self-esteem, physical hunger, worth, muscle soreness, expectations, rules, regulations, etc. Bottom line comes down to choices, even creative choices instead of the absence of choice. 

Sorry I'm rambling, but the thoughts are doing just that, spinning. Good!

• won't happen overnight
• have to take the time to check in with actual plan
• plan will change
• don't promise without conscious consideration
• don't beat yourself up
• relax and let go
• explore the extremes

The idea of exploring the extremes is a fun possibility. I was the total couch potato for weeks and pretty much ate anything and everything for quite a while. Do I need or want to go to the opposite end and eat nothing and exercise constantly for a while? Does the pendulum need to swing all the way right to find a reasonable middle point? I'm a fan of the Tao and the middle way. It isn't "who I am" either way although I honestly look in the mirror right now and say that is NOT ME! I like the idea of it but not the reality of it and I'm shy / hesitant to consider committing to an extreme workout plan when I haven't been able to maintain even a little. Maybe that's the problem? Go for the crazy crossfit insanity for three months three times a week. Die of soreness and severe fitness. It would be a quick (relatively) way to get back to "me." Would it serve me, though? Do I need or want to go to that extreme? I guess it's an option if what I'm doing, the gradual bit isn't working. Robin mentioned a gym that she goes to three times per week. Maybe that's an option... who knows! Damn! I didn't reach the clarity and satisfaction that I usually do when writing. Guess I need to write more. Catch you later! 

Parting thoughts... FLOW by Wiki
In positive psychology, flow, also known as the zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. Named by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields, though has existed for thousands of years under other guises, notably in some Eastern religions.[1] The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task,[2] although flow is also described as a deep focus on nothing but the activity – not even oneself or one's emotions.

---