New Moon - New May

I don't understand or even need to know the science behind a new moon and a new month. I know the feeling and I make the connection. I awoke this morning free and clear.  Like a weight that you have carried so long you forget it's there then you notice lightness because it is gone. I had noticed the heavy feeling lately, the soreness, the lack of energy, not from anything food related just an intensity. I celebrated 8 years sober this month. My anniversary month is sometimes heavy... not sure why that is but other sober people experience a certain oddness to their anniversary time. Anyway... I feel better, bottom line and I have some fun things to share.  I decided to get out in the sunshine yesterday... (vitamin D could be it?)... and finish reading a book for a "book club"... Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. I had to refresh myself by reading the notes and comments and highlights from the first Part. I started then to read Part 2 - Beyond Control. The excerpt below, the Parable of the NY Businessman and the Mexican Fisherman... hit hard. Read it then I'll continue.
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Excellent, yes?! The book is good at describing the cultural bonds we have inherited from the Industrial age... paid by the hour, leisure time, useful time, purpose... without providing a specific point of view. He is just pointing out some of the unmentionable unreasonable expectations and cultural norms we all live by either consciously or not. The book is worth a look. 

Anyway... specifically the parable has encouraged me to look at WHAT DO I LOVE to do? What do I want to spend my days doing now that I am retired. I don't HAVE to volunteer, or teach, or study or exercise or walk or anything. My new meditation intention is to just BE ME and see what that feels and looks like! No small order considering I've spent most of my life being and living up to someone elses' ideals, expectations and shoulds without even realizing they were not my own.

Here's another brilliant insight. I absolutely love this definition of making plans... what a plan is, the uncertainty and inherent lack of control we have as humans... I choose not to spend the rest of my life pretending I have control or ignoring and avoiding the Reality that I don't!