The Guardian

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that's me
the tiny bird
in the hole
in the dark
in the middle
of the mound
covered by thorns
protected
thick and strong
hidden
pretending
I am safe
hidden
pretending
hidden, 
I sense a radiance,
I shiver to touch it,
a brilliance like the sun
is that me too?

Next to me in this hole was a huge energy source. A power beyond limits. Right there on the ground beside me inside the mound piled high was authentic power, vibrant and pulsing with a frequency off the charts. Holy crap, it scares the hell out of me. All that power. What on earth would I ever do with that? I mean, am I supposed to just pick it up and go with it?
The energy source hummed like something alive, as if it held a language of its own, practically vibrating with potential I didn’t yet trust myself to touch. It was beautiful and terrifying—a force both nurturing and consuming. What would I even become if I reached for it? And what if it decided it didn’t want to stick around, leaving me with a one-way ticket to Imposter Syndrome Central?

During the BYOB OSHO meditation, they introduced the concept of a Guardian. It sounds kind of serious, but honestly, it’s like having a bouncer for my soul—someone to keep an eye on the physical habits and behaviors that either keep me grounded or send me spiraling. The meditation invites you to ask this Guardian to toss out old patterns and bring in fresh new ones, as if we’re in the life-habit equivalent of spring cleaning. But, of course, nothing’s ever that easy. The Guardian might not reveal any grand wisdom right away because, apparently, decades-old behaviors don’t just pack up and leave. Who knew, right?

As I sat in meditation, I could practically feel the Guardian giving me that look—the one that says, “You’re finally ready, huh? Well, this is going to take some practice and courage.” This figure, part gentle intermediary, partdrill sergeant, part overprotective parent, was maintaining all the patterns I’ve perfected over the years. Comparing, judging, dodging responsibilities and hard conversations, doing mental gymnastics and numbing behaviors to avoid acknowledging my feelings—you name it, I had it down. I asked the Guardian to help me drop these like outdated fashion choices and maybe pick up something that actually fits who I am today.

Then I got this vision of a mound, a little like the one in my art piece, where the Guardian had wrapped me in this protective bubble. And sure, I was managing, feeling safe, maybe a little too cozy. But after this meditation, I know I’m ready for more. Here’s the kicker, though: that insane power sitting next to me? I realized didn't even know that part of me existed. I sit in awe of the expansive freedom and joy available. The link between love, responsibility, and power is shown but not explained. I am still intent upon allowing Love to enter where there hasn't been any, possibly ever. I have no clue how this authentic power fits into the overall execution, practice, or picture I have for myself. I do get that consistency and stretch are required to continue the journey to expansion and serenity.
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Patience and practice—two mantras that seem to love showing up on this path. I’ve realized that if the bird is ever going to fly, it’s going to be one slow, cautious flap at a time. This power? I’m not here to bulldoze into it. I’ll work with it every day, get to know it. Maybe with enough patience, I’ll figure out what it’s trying to teach me. But for now, I’m okay taking it one clumsy step at a time, letting the Guardian roll its eyes and sigh while I do my best not to get in my own way.