Easter - April 16, 2017
Weekend Brunch Bunch
Tad is chair "I almost left town. I did go to Portland - I loved it I was "stealth"
Topics: How do you find and honor your truth? - Courage - Trust - Faith -> Perseverance
The safety to be ourselves - AA provides whatever you were hiding is ok...
Rambling.... lots of should s - lots of distractions. "I don't know who I am and I don't care." Echo
"Stop worrying about what other people think..." Batgirl
Spring Topic: Rebirth (later after the meeting)
The topic today was crazy perfect. Everyone spoke on how they've gotten more clear on who they are and then continued the journey of "finding" themselves - or NOT...
How to ignore or at least be aware of all the "shoulds" from family - friends - society & self. What brings me joy?
This spring seems new - again - like every spring - but different - NEW - fresh - first time. I actually resisted SPRING how silly is that - not to mention FUTILE!
What do I know?
I love to learn
I love to be flexible
I love to be fit
I love to be free
I love to be flowing
I love to write
I love to feel loved- respected
I love to feel blissful
I love to feel appreciated
I love to feel calm and safe
I love to break rules
I love to be adventurous
I love to try new things.
Currently I am resisting resistance and it's resisting back. So that's not working...
Let's try exploring resistance - being aware - maybe write it down... like resisting SPRING - it's silly - maybe writing it down will help make it obviously silly so I can release it more easily...
How can you bear it?
The scrutiny of your own stare?
The intensity of your own questionings?
The emptiness of your own head?
The chilly heart?
The solid ever-shifting expectations?
The clock ticking quickly or ever so fucking slow?
How do you bear it?
being who you're not - yet not knowing?
How do you bear the overwhelm the insanity - the speed & slowness?
Surrender ---- that is all ----- and be the breathing witness.
Remember that you don't have to be BETTER THAN
Or SPECIAL or FASTER or SMARTER THAN
Or MORE or FIT or HEALTHY or HOLY or STRONG or LOVING or GIVING
EACH & EVERY GOD DAMN SHOULD is NOT TRUE or REAL...
You - I - only need to BE
and if you're/I'm not sure how to BE
Then PAUSE and SURRENDER to the WITNESS
the INNER TEACHER...
Post script 2/8/2019
The names have been changed to protect the awesome... from the first part - notes from an actual AA meeting. It's a bit jumbled and it was in the journal as well. So there you go. The ending ROCKS!! A huge breakthrough for me then, barely 2 years ago. Holy shit!
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