I've been the "lost girl" lately - wandering half awake - half asleep through hour after hour, day after day - doing all the things that are harmful. Avoiding all the things that are "good" for me. Being miserable the entire time. Here I am about in indulge in a chicken fried steak breakfast instead of eating healthy at home - forgot my vitamins - didn't tap - didn't I Ching - intentional apathetic and abusive. With everything to be thankful for yet trying my darndest to sabotage it all - WTF!
I have a chance every moment to make healthier choices - I could start things now that I regret not doing in the past like practicing and sticking with guitar or reading or writing and instead I flip on the tube and watch yet another worthless show. The fucking rebounder is right in the living room for pete's sake.
Something's gotta give - my workout plan with Becca crashed. That sucks - the somewhat strenuous (not really) exercises didn't agree with her - she's five years older - yikes - I'll be 48 this year!
I forget things - don't remember things the booze is definitely taking its toll - What am I going to do to get motivated and finally make some lasting changes for the positive?
Mary Miller of I Ching said something interesting our society / environment / experiences constantly bring out the survivor part of our spirit. Rather than the witness - our eternal true being driving the bus - our survivor is in control. I've felt that way before - I just need to figure out a way to switch drivers of our bus... Making the healthy choice the default instead of the other way around. The benefits are beyond measure - no cough - no memory loss - nice complexion - energy, health - you name it.
So the question for my subconscious and conscious minds - how do we gracefully pull over the bus - put the witness in the driver's seat and start down a healthy - fun - joyful road for the last decades of this lifetime? Make it so...
Every day in every way I AM GETTING BETTER and BETTER - HEALTHIER - HAPPIER - WEALTHIER WITH EASE - GRACE & POWER!
7-18-2016 Comment - Wow... this was almost exactly one year before I got sober. I managed to torture myself for another year after this note. Nothing more inspiring that a little reminder of how far I've come. AA meetings, especially when newbies are present, remind me... but this is even better. I was sober when I wrote the particular entry above...