I was asked to create a poem about/around/considering/wondering/pondering the word/idea/feeling/meaning/ of vulnerability. I read what D. Whyte had to say and transcribed quite a bit from his Consolations book on the subject. I wrote in my journal also that day or the very next the following poem:

Vulnerable Joy
The lines are down,
fallen on the page.
The way I saw them 
in my heart.
Everywhere I gaze
the outline of my life
is perfectly cast down.

Like pickup stix
that form a grand design,
hidden until now.

Like an obscure Rorschach blot
now reveals my imagined
image when the light,
is just so.

Not all-but many
of the pages of my
coloring book are drawn - 
beautifully - gracefully
lovely - sketched.
Revealing my true hearts'
desire and passion.

"There it is - Cherished One.
Trust yourself.
This is your life,
release into it."

As I color the pages
adding more life
more depth 
I pause - I wonder

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!

I'm vulnerable and grateful 
for each perfect stroke!

Laurie McCauley 1/2/2019

"There is no path, you make the path by walking." Antonio Machado

Being aware of my thoughts lately has been a bit painful. Painful only because I apply my judgement and expectations. From a purely observational perspective I could use some new and interesting distractions for my mind to travel along and beside. Perhaps a list in my pocket or on my phone; my own "Fun to ponder list". Left to my own habits it's pretty boring and hum drum in here. I find it repetitive and defensive, a bit scarcity based and constantly judging. I begin the CCE Master Gardener program today. I imagine that will provide fodder for my thought-scape. 
I had a grand distraction Sunday morning. I mailed this poem to myself. It arrived Saturday. I didn't open it until I had a quiet moment to myself Sunday morning. I guess I had a feeling it would be powerful. To myself from my higher self, Trinity.

Laurie - Beautiful - Lovely - Brilliant - Laurie
All there is to do - is listen
to you own heart
Follow your own song
to the beat of the drum within.

Do not despair or grow impatient
Like the tides ebb and flow - as the seasons go
So turn the circles of your time.

Within each breath be grateful
Talk to me - Listen - Breathe
Gracefully your life unfolds in time's time.
with wisdom and magic.

There is no other time but now.
There is no other love but ours.

Trinity.

Thanks! I needed that! I think I'll try thinking of clouds and flowers and trees and travel... I don't know. I guess I do need to make that alternate thought-scape list!

Did you know? Did I tell you the story of Sue Fischer? I did on August 24th this year. The blessings continue through Facebook of all things. I noticed a private message from a woman that I also knew from the old days in Colorado. Sue and Margaret had kept in touch over the years. Sue and I had kept close. Sue was my link to Margaret. With Sue gone I expected the link to Margaret gone as well. Enter Facebook... Margaret saw a post I made on Sue's page and reached out. We spoke recently on the phone for the first time in decades. I was pleasantly surprised to hear the sound of her voice was the same and the energy and spirit was as loving and beautiful as days of old. 

Have I come so far, really, from the time then? So much and so little has shifted and morphed; changed and stayed precisely as it has always been. I have an image of flying or swimming through layers of repeating color and temperature and texture. Like ascending the mountain the same view from different altitudes. The same feelings from a different place in time. The same and different at once. 

For all this I am grateful and wouldn't change a fucking thing!