Once upon a time I made a monthly journey on a road called Flagstaff. It was steep and twisted, narrow and scenic. You could round a switchback and practically catch a rock climber dangling down. It flattened out a bit at the top... still curvy now rolling and a bit rocky on the sides as I recall. There was a sudden uphill dirt driveway... was it a jetta I was driving at that time? I can't quite remember or an old 4 door subaru or a rodeo. No matter. Parking was tight and it was early on a Saturday morning... could be VERY early depending on my assignment for the day. Participants in the sweat could arrive later on, the fire tenders had to be there very early indeed. That was my favorite... I love fire, especially sacred well tended and intentional pampered fire! There's nothing like it in all the world. It's magical of the first order and the stones in the center being turned into glowing beauties were a thing to behold.

Those were the days when I first got to know Sue and Trishuwa, Margaret, Maggio, Angela, Wren, and many more names and faces. Years later the ceremonies moved from Flagstaff to Tum Tum, WA just outside Spokane. Sue followed them there and I followed them as well as a visitor. Vision Mountain and the long house all originally founded by Sun Bear...I slept in his cabin on one visit. Boy that was quite an interesting night!!

But I digress and now the the thread of thought is gone. The Medicine Wheel was part of the teachings of Sun Bear and those who studied with him. I learned it as part of the sweat and pipe ceremonies. Now I will create a sacred wheel on my own property... all my own. I had hoped to walk the land and pick the spot with Sue this very weekend. Now I can do that still but she will be with me in Spirit. Miss you Ms. Sue!

Wow... I have to be quick here today. Brevity may be the best antidote any how... My friend Sue Fischer passed away August 5th. She was suppose to come and visit me here over the Labor Day holiday. We hadn't seen each other for awhile. I figured out via Facebook and the fact that her phone was disconnected and no response to email that she died. Holy fucking shit! She was only 63! OK... let that sink in a bit.
This is my first experience with the death of a friend. My first experience with death of a person close to me since getting sober. Holy shit! I'll write more another day but I have officially turned over yet another page... and once again started over at the beginning of figuring out how to take care of MYSELF! Here's the funky poem that floated up this morning... so happy to snatch it off the surface, here you go. Dedicated to Sue!

Inside Out

I had to go outside
To experience the
Coming inside again.
I had to BE inside
To feel the freedom
Of flowing outside once more.
 
Outside to inside
In to out again
Over and over
Back and forth
To and fro
As the seasons go
So we flow
 
I can only SEE
The in from inside
And the outside from out
Both unique
Both perfect
Both ever flowing
Inside out
And outside in.
Again & again.

Laurie McCauley 8-13-2018
Dedicated to Susan Fischer one of the most giving and amazing people I've ever known! Put in a good word for me will you, Sue! Published at 11:11am 

Perhaps this is a true and unadulterated testament to getting older. Although I do have friends older than myself that are all about their time in the sun. I even have at least one friend who actually pays to go to a tanning salon. I was sure that the better part of darwin would have closed those places by now. Wow!

It got me to thinking, remembering the last time I actually did care about a tan line. I guess it was about 5 years ago when going out on the boat on Lake George I would wear a tube top dress to avoid strappy lines.  Now I don't even uncover to let my arms show when I'm gardening.  My forearms are covered with darker brown splotchy patches that don't scrub off and only get darker when they get sun. What the hell is that shit? All I know at this point is I don't want it to get worse and I have a sneaking suspicion that it is a direct result of already getting over exposed in those areas. 

I have rose hip oil that I use now, Shirley swears by it. She uses it for morning, noon and night cream too. It's oily... so I guess I do glow and I'm not sure if that's really good... probably attracts the sun? Who knows. This getting old stuff is for the birds!

I know I have or should have way more interesting things to write about but I'm fresh right now. I am in the process of updating and recreating really, by business website. The test address is www.onupward2.weebly.com I'm pretty proud of myself really. The old website is dated and was created by my web guy who is AOL. I wanted to redo and regenerate anyway so here's my golden opportunity. Bye for now...

​PS. I'll have to take some screen shots of the old site just for shits and giggles some day in the future. (www.onupward.com).