I distinctly remember a record player and a tiled basement floor in summer. It may have been a Fisher Price record player, but the record was definitely Sound of Music. I'm pretty certain I wore that record out along with South Pacific and West Side Story.
Classic love stories, all three of them. This struck me for the first time in decades as I listened to Pandora tuned to a Musicals themed station yesterday. I listened as I processed vegies for salads this week. I was crying listening to There's a Place For Us... OMG that's a sad song, especially given the ending of the movie... no one to spoil, so no spoiler... if you haven't seen it WATCH IT!
It stirred up an entire cadre (is that more than a host?) of memories and girlish expectations about romantic love and my soul mate and forever partner... I went on to feel even more sad and sorry for my sad bumm when A Hard Knocks Life came on and I remembered how lucky I am. A nice and interesting emotional roller coaster all while chopping veg! Life ROCKS!
It seems a bit odd to me after reading yesterday's post that I'm just now figuring some of these things out for myself. I am 51 afterall. Shit! Knowing and operating and being aware of knowing and operating are totally different things I suppose. I have to cut myself some slack - If I don't - who will? What happened yesterday was that Whitney and Alida also came along (Chris' sister and her daughter). It was a wonderful day. The only annoyance was the conversation... the focus was family not politics at least but stories about old times would have been more fun. Of course, the fault is all mine, my small talk - conversation guidance skills suck! I signed up for a course on that online and never finished it. perhaps I need to revisit that.
I am a member of All Poetry, a wonderful website for poets. I've posted a few poems. Mostly those that I prepared for the book ages ago that have a nice custom image associated. I like to write but I'm a shitty reader of poetry, I've realized. Yet another thing to play with or work on depending on your disposition. I also get immensely overwhelmed with the pure number of talented people on the planet. Humbling and overwhelming. I wonder why overwhelmed? Why not excited? There's no competition, right?
Oh, right, yes there is.... it's in my HEAD! The source of all good fun and fear!
I just noticed this morning that my decisions are based on calculated expectations of how I might feel in a given situation based on past experiences. Here's the real life example...
Today I have an option to go to Lake George with Chris and go out on the boat with him and his Mom, Aleda. The plan is to stop for lunch at Lake George Club or the Algonquin. Let's see if I can break it down... OK I'll use the trusty Ben Franklin method of pros and cons...
1. Beautiful nature experience Windy & Hot
2. Great hear fun stories from Aleda All Chris & Aleda will talk about is politics
3. Opportunity to build memories I can do that anytime
4. Time spent with my Honey Time alone at home would be nice
5. Get out of the house - Vitamin D I don't feel comfortable in clothes
6. Lunch would be tasty LGC food sucks - I'm fasting
7. You won't wonder if you should have You may regret not going
I'm not sure if the columns are right on that last one. It is an important one and may actually tip the scales. I HATE REGRETTING things! I have to also say that neither decision is "wrong" there won't be any consequences imposed by anyone but me. No one will be "mad" either way. That's big also because I probably wouldn't be having this conversation if I felt I had to go I would just make the best of it.
So that brings up another item to consider with true freedom of choice - the people pleasing factor. I'm trying to estimate how I will FEEL... when I know I'm in charge of my feelings... strange, right!? So I'm really trying to make up my mind based on how I chose to feel last time I experienced similar circumstances. I'm not sure when the last time was that Aleda went anywhere in the boat with us. So there's another deciding factor.
I actually told Chris before I left that I would be going. I just confirmed my decision and reinforced / reminded myself that I CONTROL how I FEEL and experience things. And guess what, it's going to be the best day ever!
Play this while you read... Chant
"Om mani padme hūṃ", written in Tibetan script on a rock outside the Potala Palace in Tibet. This is scrolling on the POS display at Tushita Heaven so I was curious. It's a mantra, apparently. Here's what wiki had to say...
Khyongla Rato Rinpoche teaching on "Om Mani Padme Hum" on September 22nd, 2014, at The Tibet Center, NYC
"It is very good to recite the mantra Om mani padme hum, but while you are doing it, you should be thinking on its meaning, for the meaning of the six syllables is great and vast... The first, Om [...] symbolizes the practitioner's impure body, speech, and mind; it also symbolizes the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha[...]"
"The path is indicated by the next four syllables. Mani, meaning jewel, symbolizes the factors of method: (the) altruistic intention to become enlightened, compassion, and love.[...]"
"The two syllables, padme, meaning lotus, symbolize wisdom[...]"
"Purity must be achieved by an indivisible unity of method and wisdom, symbolized by the final syllable hum, which indicates indivisibility[...]"
"Thus the six syllables, om mani padme hum, mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha[...]"
I have had a lot less time lately and I do miss writing. I have some urgent thoughts to download (upload?) then explore further...
Stage setting: I was on the panel for discussion after the Documentary film showing of Minimalism at The Linda last Thursday night (June 16, 2016 - 06-16-16). Interesting, I just noticed the date... I was going to do something great on that date, I guess I did, my first time as a panelist... Anyway... the other panelist was Chad from BioSoil Farm and toward the end the conversation was all about how we need to recycle / throw out things responsibly... then meal worms totally stole the show! =)
It made me realize that just the act of people taking on reducing their stuff has to be IT. It's overwhelming already for any number of reasons... if you add on to that the worry, concern and challenge of responsibly getting rid of all the stuff that needs to go then it's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN... I believe that until people can clear their space and get a grip on their freedom... taste it, feel it, live it... they can't hope to be model consumers / thrower - awayers.... Does that resonate? In other words the conversation went off track and I do agree that we need to think about where everything ends up in the end... what I think happens though is complete inaction or minimal action without the feeling of success and freedom that comes with creating space by getting things you don't love out of your space! Feel and taste the freedom of space to think and feel without distractions from your stuff... experience that and then you can take on the next step... whatever that ends up being for you.
Next point... perfect lead in if I do say so myself. I've been overwhelmed lately with the idea of finding a perfect "career" for myself. In the process I've noticed the HUGE variety of jobs out there from trashmen to conductors; marine biologists to lunchroom ladies... what's shown up is everyone just needs to truly follow their own passion... that we all compliment each other and everything will be "taken care of" if we are allowed, inspired and supported in doing that... Like Chad the worm farmer... or me the Space Creation Professional... who knew.
Eso es todo por ahora, amigos!
Be Happy Now!
Not when I find my "purpose."
Not once I've lost more pounds...
Not later, someday, maybe...
Hello! I know this shit.
That's it... that's ALL...
Just Do It!
Laurie Anne McCauley
Did that make you feel better?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!