That was always the tidy last line of every childhood story or fairy tale, yes? The ending we all secretly wished for. We were somehow magically satisfied and hopeful when the final conclusion included: "...and they lived happily ever after..."
If it didn't... we felt cheated somehow and miserable and dangling forever, the story left in a shadowy limbo without that happy ending. We still want this... BTW... Hollywood has also set it up that way.
Well I'm speaking for myself here, obviously, I wouldn't put words in your mouth! Today I'm wondering: "?What then?" what came next, for real, once Cinderellas' foot fit the fucking slipper and the prince came to carry her away? That's just it? Yep, that's just "THE END" because the wise fairy tale writers knew better than to say what it might be like in that magical place of happily ever after. Did you ever notice there's no Cinderella or Snow White sequel? That's up to us to imagine or figure out or just forget about it and let it lay undiscovered but hazy and "nice." We just kinda know that it wouldn't include loads of manual labor, being indentured to mean pseudo relatives, poor, alone, miserable and fearful.
Happily ever after... it's one of those end of line cultural phrases like "I'm fine." when fine is the one thing you are totally NOT. But it's acceptable and conclusive and the end of the politically correct not "TMI" story.
(There are so many things I take for granted on a daily even moment by moment basis. These crazy "COVID Times" have made that patently clear, for sure... take a moment and be grateful because you never know what's next! )
So what brought this on? Maybe it's my 55th birthday coming up tomorrow? Or perhaps it was the huge / small / constant annoying arguments with my partner that took place all day on Thursday? Those arguments left me wondering about myself and my rapport with long term relationships. Or the brush with death, not my death, a pet death, but still, death. Anyway, something cracked me open and hit me hard for some fucking reason.
All I know is they just showed up this morning, some of those <<<<BIG QUESTIONS>>>
Have I arrived? Am I already here?
Am I with my "soul mate" (another cultural knee jerk phrase).
Am I living in my "forever home" now?
Basically... Am I currently experiencing my own "happily ever after?" and if I am... is this what I want it to look like? What the Fuck do I want it to look like?
OMG? once those types of questions are posed I'm stuck, I'm hooked, I can't just drop it or let it go. I have to peruse, pursue, persevere, and ponder until some sort of answers settle in...
I have to start with. "Am I currently living with my forever guy?" Holy fucking shit... what a shit storm of bullshit expectations and crap cascades out of the past on that one! Wow!
I want details, daily schedules, annual and seasonal days of observation and traditions (like a fucking holy calendar of holiday and Saints days...). I'm looking for that Step by Step Guide that outlines nicely the "ups" to expect and the tell tale signs of "downs" to come as well as what to do with all the "in between times". I'm searching for the Holy Grail Instruction Manual for my own life and the relationship I'm "meant to have." What will the relationship look like? Sherlock and Watson... all crime solving and mysteries? Redneck backwoods preppers with awesome fire arms and bunkers, food hording and fall out shelters? How about an musical theme with a first chair and conductor, (or lead guitar and vocalist) loads of instruments and singing, like a 21st Century Sound of Music on steroids? We could go all B&B on the situation and cutesy and foodie and politically correct with yurts and composting toilets... Or we could just be ourselves, like our decor style, a mash up of craftsman, Adirondack and steam punk with a little art deco, Grateful Dead and Frank Lloyd Wright thrown in.
I do know a few things for sure...
Everything else is up for examination, definition, exploration and qualification... including how often, how much, when, what does it look like specifically? how does it feel exactly? how does it change with the seasons? Regarding things like:
Wicked Cool... thanks for the wake up call!
What are YOU up for in your version of "happily ever after" ?
What shall I forgive this day to amuse and delight?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!