Giving Up vs. Giving In

Heads Up: the following entry is an example of "I'm figuring it out as I write..." rather than "Here it is, I think I've figured 'it' out."

I had a newish thought this morning... not smoking or drinking includes "giving up" on many different levels. I just wrote, in fact, giving up cigs and alcohol has an element of giving up... stupid, that's why I re-wrote it but it gets to my point. There is something to give up, that is don't partake in, enjoy, or TOUCH... taste or play with... etc. 

There's a similar element with various diets and cleanse plans that I've explored. Some you give up sugar, others grain others fats... with some, like weight watchers, you can eat anything but you give up quantity. So as I've mentioned before with cigs and alcohol, it's absolute I'll never touch alcohol or cigarettes again. They will never come close to my lips or fingers. That doesn't work out with food. There's a difference between abstinence and moderation. Gretchen Rubin examined the difference between moderation and abstinence in Better Than Before. With moderation so much thought is required, checking in, checking up, planning, etc. a lot more thought space than pure abstinence where you give it up, it's gone that's it you move on. I did enjoy the Mark Hyman 10 Day Diet Detox cleanse... the food list was acceptable... no grains and no sugar that provides a lot of abstinence. I did lose weight and feel great I just didn't stick with it.

The problem I notice with Weight Watchers is the moderation idea, first off. There's a lot of thought and planning involved and tracking and checking in, a lot of brainpower investment. There's also the problem of stopping once started... ONLY 6 crackers, FUCK! I'm better off just saying NO crackers! Maybe that's part of the definition of an addict? Inability to STOP... it's not impossible it's just a LOT of effort. I'm still making progress and staying within the daily points, for the most part, but it's a lot of work! It's only been two weeks so I'll hang with it, but I have modified it to exclude all processed food and very little sugar or grains. I can do a Hyman version of Weight Watchers...  There's WILLPOWER. My goal is to come up with a daily system for eating that I can use now and maintain for the rest of my life. Maybe I will have to do a "diet" to lose to a point and then a maintenance plan. I don't want to... I guess I should fucking make up my mind. OK so I will eat now in a way to lose weight and then go with a way to maintain... I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. 

So this is probably why I haven't lost a bunch of weight quickly =) I haven't made a decision and then been consistent. Now I'm going to add another element into the mix...

GIVING IN... whenever I do limit myself on any plan I feel odd... check out the synonyms for giving in: verb: admit defeat, abandon, back down, bail out, bow out, buckle under, capitulate, cave in, cease, cede, chicken out, collapse, comply, concede, cry uncle, desist, despair, drop, fold, forswear, hand over, leave off, pull out, quit, relinquish, resign, stop, submit, surrender, throw in the towel, wash one's hands, yield.

None of those words or the idea behind them works well with my core values. Even if I'm defending and being rebellious for something totally harmful I'll be damned if I'm going to GIVE IN!  I think what changed the tide with drink and smoke is I was somehow able to flip it... change sides so to speak. If I get my rebel on the "right" side... in alinement so to speak then the giving up thing doesn't seem to even enter into the conversation. 

This feels right and it's a matter of thought awareness and mediation. Mediation with myself, obviously. I think I've had the cart before the horse with all the diets and cleanses and detoxing. It has been two months really not two weeks... WW is just the latest expedition into the world of weight control. So in summary... I'll stick with points and meetings for now but really shift focus to modifying my point of view and winning over the rebel to the side of health and well-being. I won't be giving in then I'll be victorious somehow whenever I exercise or eat right and feel great. OK, I hit this point and start to really wonder if I'm totally mentally impaired. I should have thought of this, right?!  No punching bag, it is what it is. New mission! 

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