As much as I would like to think and believe that I am impervious to the actions of others it's a big fat lie. The longer I'm sober the more I understand and realize why I drank. It was easier to deal with the pain, the hurt. Apparently rather than being immune and impervious, I'm the opposite, sensitive and vulnerable. I know that some people would say this is a good thing. It doesn't feel good when people are hurtful. Their intentionality doesn't matter so much (right now). Just the acknowledging of it and the what the FUCK do I do with THIS hurt feeling? I realize my response is a choice... but feeling the feeling itself is out of my control.
So the word "HACK" just came to mind... Odd how words just appear and what a great word. I had no idea. I never considered using it outside of the obvious computer related meaning. I like it! I am going to hack the feeling... I can't hack the hurt! I'll create a hack or use a hack or be a fucking hack! I do love words! This is an unexpected gem =)
hackverb (used with object)
1. to cut, notch, slice, chop, or sever (something) with or as with heavy, irregular blows (often followed by up or down): to hack meat; to hack down trees.
2. to break up the surface of (the ground).
3. to clear (a road, path, etc.) by cutting away vines, trees, brush, or the like
4. to damage or injure by crude, harsh, or insensitive treatment; mutilate; mangle
5. to reduce or cut ruthlessly; trim:
The Senate hacked the budget severely before returning it to the House. there's a lot of hacking goin' on!
6. Slang. to deal or cope with; handle: He can't hack all this commuting.
So I will make use of my new found knowledge of hacking to allow the feeling to resonate and reverberate and sink down and nestle in. No resistance only pausing to wonder and observe. Meditation has become an excellent hack! Go hacking!
Laurie Anne McCauley
Did that make you feel better?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!