May you be free from fear... May you be free from desire...
May you be blessed with unity... May you be blessed with peace...
May you be blessed with unity... May you be blessed with peace...
![]() The spookiest day of the spookiest month, 2017. A day to remember like July 25, 2015 and April 14, 2014? The day a struggle rests or surrender truly begins. There's an odd quietness about it. No fanfare or celebration just a simple knowing that perhaps, finally, that phase is complete and a new beginning has commenced. "But it's early and I may be premature" the voice whispers... "Time will tell." I met with Dr. Matt yesterday. A reboot - again - on my wellness plan. I took my bike for a ride up and down a few steep hills and I fucking made it. Panting hard but I made it with joy, belting out songs from Fiddler on the Roof and West Side Story. Maybe I'll just be the "Euphonious Biker!" Friday the 13th... Something clicks or snaps closed The light from that other room has ceased The door, where it was a wall There is no going back I can no longer get there from here It's what I prayed for wished for, created Freedom from what was in that room the indecision internal torture never ending story moribund cycle spitting, gasping, clinging Not knowing why it stops or closes or shifts What removes the space from the room? There is only persistent repetitive failing attempts and the faith of experience that one day the space will return to me the victory in surrender The space I'm talking about, there, is the space in my head that is consumed with doubt, fear, self deprecating remarks. What creates the space is somethings else... a thought, a whim, a wish, an old behavior that doesn't work, an automatic something almost under thought somehow. It's a mindless something that takes over; like just suddenly noticing you've arrived and don't remember how you got there. Or realizing you already bought the liquor and the bottle is poised or the cigarette's in hand with smoke curling. That's why it's so hard to intentionally change it... it's subversive, buried, under ground. The exact cause is oddly just missing... a time warp. When that, whatever it is, is gone, there's a vacuum that briefly presents but it's not as intense as I've heard other people describe.. they HAVE TO DO something else, replace IT, find a substitute or surrogate. For me in this moment it's just quiet, serene, new and wonderful. I did experience the physical withdrawals but that was just a joyous reminder that I was free and a curious exploration of physical sensations. I'm very grateful this is "it" and if not, that's ok too. The Euphonious Cycler! I like it! Euphonious: adjective; pleasant in sound; agreeable to the ear; characterized by euphony: a sweet, euphonious voice. Comments are closed.
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Laurie Anne McCauleyDid that make you feel better? Intro
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on. LA McCauley Archives
November 2022
Fibber McGee's closet!
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