Resistance & Surrender

Here's an incredibly abbreviated consolidated bit on my recent experience with resistance and surrender. I had the word Surrender tattooed to my left wrist in 2014. For months and months I tested the word and the place with a sharpie. I wanted to be sure that it would be a message for all times of life, something that would resonate and hold true no matter my position in the ever changing world. Indeed, this has proved to be a very valuable and ongoing message that resonates. Apparently I have spent my entire life, possibly since my first breath when I got whacked, until now, resisting. Resisting people, places, things, nature, life, my good ideas, my creative ideas, my bad ideas, numbing out, avoiding and resisting... my top three unhealthy priorities.

Anything that has taken on such a vital part of my programming is bound to take time to release and re-program. I encountered a whole new and curious level of resistance when it comes to day to day operations, people and behaviors. It's easiest to explain in terms of expectations and disappointment; passion and apathy. I expect people to be awake and kind; I'm constantly disappointed by what I perceive as humans acting stupid and mean or aware and malicious... This sense of justice and injustice in the world at large has caused me angst and frustration, resentment and suffering... I HAVE allowed my resistance to human nature as it is, reality, to get to me and make me angry, anxious and hopeless. I take full responsibility for this dis-service to myself. I didn't know what I didn't know. Now that it's clear that Reality just IS and it's not my fault or my job to fix it... holy cow, what a relief! The ripples and waves of relief keep coming on shore and washing over me, again and again! How Lovely!

My natural healing and wholeness progresses as I come to peace with nature, with humans, with Reality. This is the way for me to explore my relationship with myself, with food and with exercise and self care. No other path will provide long term, meaningful unity and peace. And when this particular journey is concluded, I look forward to the next challenge.  And so I stare at the word on my wrist and marvel at the wonders revealed in such a simple word and the wisdom that showed up when I chose it as a lifelong reminder.

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