I think I first noticed it when I worked retail in my twenties. I managed a Radio Shack Computer Center in Boulder, CO. People, customers, always came in waves. It would be totally quiet and still then BOOM... 10 people all at once. Living in the software world for 30 years it didn't present so much, even working with POS systems, the customers (K-12 kids) were on a preset schedule so the natural wave effect was subdued. Fast forward to hosting estate sales the last few years I could almost time the people wave effect. It was actually very predictable and fun to observe. So... I'm experiencing a writing idea wave, I'll call it Surf's Up! =) I have so many things to write about I'm bursting. Enough on the introduction now on to the heart of the matter.
There's no real order of importance I guess. I'll start with the hardest, the fuzziest first, a pesky God's will vs. my will conversation. During my AA journey the third step has been an off and on love story. The 3rd step goes like this: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him." For a while I was saying my Creator prayer at least once a day and devoted to the sentiment of the 3rd step. (You can find my creator prayer on the PPP page).
At some point (deja vu, by the way, just now. sitting here at the Starbucks bar looking out at rainy day Broadway. There's a whole additional writing topic!) while I was reading / studying / listening to Conversations with God, Book 1 I began to doubt this devoted to discovering God's will strategy. Lines like "There is no purpose but the one you create." "God doesn't really care one way or the other what happens with you... He/She/It has better things to do... you are a God in your own right with free will and the ability to choose and create your own reality and that's why you're here so go for it..." I'm obviously paraphrasing and probably very badly but that's what my feeble mind recalls as the reason I stopped saying the Creator prayer daily and began to stretch my awareness into what the FUCK makes me happy and interested in actually partaking in life on a daily basis.
I think that's a big step, quite frankly, it's spine chilling to consider that God doesn't really care, but feels right somehow. It forces me to get out of my la la land wishfully maybe someday world of figuring out what God wants from me and slams my face into the moment and what the hell do I WANT? What the fuck am I UP TO? What is my bliss? It's one thing to follow it, it's another thing to figure out what it is exactly. Not like it's going to happen all at once, forever, (I have figured out that much at least, it's an ongoing, never ending process).
GOD IS GOOD, contrary to what I was taught as a Catholic, he's non-judgmental (no HELL folks), loving, caring, concerned, listening AND HANDS OFF! I can totally live with that, in fact it makes perfect sense, it's perceptive, rational, valid, wise, logical, commonsensical, (ND) intuitive, plausible, sound and most likely true! In fact the whole concept of free will falls apart if God is "hands on." Just think about it, it's impossible to "help" without interfering! I find it so interesting that religions can hold such polar opposite, contradictory views about obvious things and totally get away with it over and over and over in every language, Yale to jail, smart, stupid, brilliant, doesn't seem to matter! Proof of the power of humanity to create, they believe it, they create it no matter how completely dysfunctional and obtuse it actually is. That's right, flawed and dopey or broken and dense or defective and dull. WTF are people thinking, oh, yeah, sorry, they're not, they're letting other people do that for them. They are sleep walking.
Wow, that felt good... I suppose it's totally inappropriate, oh well! I know I don't have it figured out, believe me, but the stupidity of my fellow humans really pisses me off. I know.. you spot it you got it... =) Anyway, I'm not talking to YOU... reading this! I'm talking about THEM! Hee Hee! I still have at least two more topics for today. Maybe I'll ration them until later. The surf is definitely UP!
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!