I had an odd experience this Thanksgiving. I felt emotional and on the verge of tears much of the day. The thoughts that stirred it up, similar to when my Mother left for home, had to do with solitude, intimacy, quality togetherness with another or the lack of it. The expectations, from my observing, pausing, awareness are curious. My first Thanksgivings are rather sketchy, quite frankly, There was lots of family and food always the events were held at my family home. But I digress... so if I can't remember specific traditions or really miss specific people trying to recreate it wasn't the problem. Where were these sad, deep hurt feelings coming from?
The next day as I journaled and with a little clarity and distance I was able to describe it as a connection to some energy of neglected goodness. The feeling of something beautiful and kind being lost or abandoned or ignored. The comparison to Deanna Troi, the counselor/empath from Star Trek Next Gen came to mind. Tapping into a wave of feelings just floating, hanging, following me around like the cloud over Eeyore. So hold that thought...
I recently read An Invitation to Celtic Wisdom by Carl McColman. "One of the loveliest and most poetic expressions of Celtic wisdom consists of the idea of 'Thin Places.' It's a sacred site, known to the Celts of ancient times, where the veil that separates our world from the other-world, the world of silence and eternity, is particularly thin."
I postulate that there are also "Thin DAYS." When the general atmosphere is host to intense energies just kind of hanging around. Whatever it is that is normally buffering these sensations is absent. or perhaps the energies themselves travel around and it just happened to be on the Holiday. There is also a full moon right now... the Beaver Moon, perhaps the wave is energetically affected like the moon affects the tides... Whatever it was has subsided now and I woke to feel a bit lighter and happier. It came on so slowly that until it peaked, I didn't notice it. Now that it's moved on, the contrast of it's absence speaks proof to it's previous presence.
What I can glean from this entire experience is that it is NOT PERSONAL. My immediate inclination was to search for some reason, in the present or the past... to make it wrong, to fix it, to mute it, to run from it or shelter or hide. Once I realized it was like coming across a bit of a river or creek in the way of the road and the bridge is out. Wading through the cold, ankle or calf deep tide, was disturbing but not life threatening. I could even stand and ponder and dip in and come out again and look back and down and up the coursing flow. I could see my part in it without thrashing around and becoming overwhelmed or disorientated or afraid.
It was similar to when Mother left, but not as intense. I'll have to check the moon calendar, October 19th might have been the last full moon.... Nope, full moon was 10/24. So much for that theory. What does astrology call those times you shouldn't make a decision... ? It's on the tips of my fingers... Mercury Retrograde... hold on I'll Google for that. Nope, doesn't seem to correlate either. Oh well, the mystery will remain... I could of course create my own mini cyclone of emotion and carry it around like Eeyore! =)
Laurie Anne McCauley
Did that make you feel better?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!