I wish that Weebly didn't display the number of visitors as soon as I login to post an entry. I'm forced to see how low or high or the same the numbers are. It's up to me, of course, what meaning I add to that, but it is right there and I have to decide every time. I do write this for myself and I guess it's time to remind myself of that.
Reminding myself is a good thing. I think I finally was inspired this morning to consider reviewing a morning list of things I'd like to be reminded of. The section of the big book we read this morning includes the bit about milk and whiskey and obsessive jay walkers (around page 32). I sat quietly and listened to the various tales of horror and insanity that comprised life for people before getting sober. As usual I sat there thinking of drinking and I NEVER think of drinking normally. I was ruminating on the value or NOT of meetings where the one thing I can always count on is being reminded of alcohol. John spoke, and put a different spin on it... "I spend my 10 or 15 minutes recalling the horror or listening to others daily. I am powerfully reminded that there is nothing in the world that could make me take the first drink. Then I go about my wonderful life for the rest of the day." So spend a few minutes feeling, remembering, immersed then be grateful and move on.
I've tried various things over time to recite or repeat or say or read on a daily basis and nothing seems to stick for long. I do brush my teeth and poop daily so I could incorporate something partnered with those activities. The power of an AA meeting: it is naturally different and unique on a daily basis and it's in someone else's voice. I do feel that I had a mini breakthrough though around the power of repetition.
I also had a breakthrough again this morning about the need to focus on alinement. Alinement and that's ALL. ALL there is to do is be aware, surrender and remember. There's nothing wrong, I'm safe, nothing can ultimately hurt me, there's only things to learn. Breathe deep and dig in. Get a grip and let go! All of the urgency and judgement.... especially the feelings of necessary "efficiency or death" can take off.
I am creating an undivided self. So far that is the most powerful experience I have yet to feel on this planet. Complete alinement is something to seek on it's own. Maybe that's my purpose? Guess what, it is if I say it is, so, why not? If it doesn't serve to increase my alinement or definitely fall into something I'm already alined with I can skip it. That's all, just skip it.
There's nothing wrong, I don't have to feel bad or guilty or explain or defend just skip it.
"I think I'll skip that this time." "Don't mind skipping that, no worries."
Like the button in the software program installation process... "SKIP" means move forward without consequences. Maybe come back to it later, maybe not. I like that, I can also frisk and romp and bounce and cavort! "Sorry, I'm gonna prance!" maybe that's where the slang "I'm gonna bounce." came from. Love it... it's challenging NOT to apologize, notice that?
SKIP DEFINED: move along lightly, stepping from one foot to the other with a hop or bounce.
synonyms:caper, prance, trip, dance, bound, bounce, gambol, frisk, romp, cavort
I'm thinking right now this entry is too long. It's silly and obsessive. I'm also thinking how fun!! I had no idea what a great word skip is. I'm going to prance past those first thoughts. =)
More definitions: to jump lightly over: to pass over without reading, noting, acting, (He skipped the bad parts.) to miss or omit (My heart skipped a beat.); to be absent from; avoid attendance at: (To skip a school class.) to send (a missile) ricocheting along a surface. Informal. to leave hastily and secretly or to flee from (a place): (They skipped town.)
I like the more positive definitions... I skipped the party. I didn't avoid it. I chose not to act (skipped) that...reaction, invitation, comment, etc.) How funny this reminds me of an old boyfriend... Skip Towne. Are you still in Nashville? Loved your hilarious songs and sense of humor!
So I can prance or bounce or pull out a frisky romp on by things that don't aline or that I'm not sure about. The process to figure out what alinement is involves writing and community. OH... and the topic of the post, I need to be OK, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE! I think that's actually an odd, paradoxical part of the learning process.
PS. I've managed to disable the spell check somehow... I apologize if there are silly spelling errors. Oh well!
PPS. The blue bird is a grab shot by Chris. NICE! We've had a few little tribes of blue birds stopping by for suet the last few days.
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!