Lately I feel as though I'm constantly unpacking and processing and evaluating thoughts and ideas and feelings. I've intentionally decided to reduce my exposure to more stimulation in order to sit with what I already have spinning around. The world at large seems to conspire against my intention. I keep stumbling into rooms full of boxes, old and new, that need to be processed, unpacked and sorted (metaphorically and physically).
I feel as though I have to be on guard and have shields raised constantly to protect my quiet time of contemplation. My plans, my friends, my family, my obligations (real and imagined) my expectations (real and imagined) and all sorts of visual and physical queues interrupt and distract the crap out of me.
Time-warp... Like helping a client to downsize and pack for a move... the stuff of thoughts is scattered throughout the house. I find in the attic things that belong in the basement and while going through the kitchen - toiletries appear. These "mis-placed" items sit in a holding area with a label. In limbo yet identified. Once they rejoin their specific area of mutual interest or use they have to be integrated - duplicates removed, expiration dates considered, overall appearance and condition weighed. All sorts of mental gymnastics ensue. It is complicated and can be hard work if it's not guided by some process and FREE of DISTRACTIONS. It takes courage and the freedom to make mistakes and lots of time to walk away then revisit and reconsider.
I have, I think, the core principles and practices which will allow me to establish a new way of being and living with food and my body and exercise... I think all the ingredients have been found around the house, sorted and labeled. They may even be free of limbo in the basement or attic and are living in the same room of the house. They just need to be unpacked, integrated and prioritized and assessed the last steps before re-packing them neatly for a move. Here's where the metaphor gets complicated compared to life. I AM moving and wondering if I should wait to go through this thought process... but I'm not inclined to wait any longer... so it will - it may change once I've moved. It will be disrupted and re-placed into a new environment.
Perhaps this is just "what's meant to be..." (no surprise). As I process, unpack and pack on this end and live for several months with the decisions and epiphanies. I will have learned a huddle of new distinctions and gained new insights for the "final" unpacking in June.
If you are confused... that's ok, me too, that's why I write it out (over and over). I'll sort and label, process, move and unpack inside this house (my mind) many times before thoughts are ready for the actual final pack and move experience (the "miracle" the switch flipping).
The final "unpacking" is a different animal altogether - it happens to be an entirely new beginning, unknown, magical and off in the future some distance at the moment not really under consideration.... =) HA! That does help clear it up!? =) It's all frighteningly fucking ironic considering what I once did for a living.
What shall I forgive this day to amuse and delight?
I decided back in November 2015 to make my poetry available and journal online. I'm not exactly sure what "blogging" means but I am quite sure this is an online journal. Feel free to read on with an aire of open minded curiosity. At no time do I intend to offend, judge or pretend to know anything really, I'm just an observer and explorer, as we all are. Feel free to "boldly go" through my observations and perhaps it will spark or inspire. Comments are off because I don't want to be worried about political correctness when I'm writing. I'm not thinking about "you." I'm just writing because it feels "right". Feel free to enjoy or surf on.
Fibber McGee's closet!